Regardless of the size of the storm, what choice does the raindrop have but to fall?
Friday, July 13, 2007
The spawning of a new metaphor - the Typhoon
Regardless of the size of the storm, what choice does the raindrop have but to fall?
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Hoagland's Learning Disability
Jim Hoagland's column, "The Next Battle In Iraq" in the WP contained the following remarkable statement:
"American failure in transforming Iraq has many causes. None is more important than Bush's inability to set clear, achievable priorities and to stick to them when they collide with the vested interests of Iraq's neighbors and of significant parts of the U.S. bureaucracy."
Really, you don't see the doctrine of preemption as being a failure? What about Congress' abdication of its constitutional role in declaring and funding wars? Does the Judiciaries refusal to rule in favor of the constitution rather than Vice President or his Bush puppet on everything from detainees to wiretapping strike you as particularly successful?
The lessons of Vietnam were not 'Establish clear, attainable goals, use any means to achieve them and never give up.' The lessons of Vietnam were 'Don't go to war under false pretenses, don't try to occupy a foreign country about which you know nothing and Do, for God's Sake, have an exit strategy!' Mr Hoagland seems determined to remain forever ignorant.
"American failure in transforming Iraq has many causes. None is more important than Bush's inability to set clear, achievable priorities and to stick to them when they collide with the vested interests of Iraq's neighbors and of significant parts of the U.S. bureaucracy."
Really, you don't see the doctrine of preemption as being a failure? What about Congress' abdication of its constitutional role in declaring and funding wars? Does the Judiciaries refusal to rule in favor of the constitution rather than Vice President or his Bush puppet on everything from detainees to wiretapping strike you as particularly successful?
The lessons of Vietnam were not 'Establish clear, attainable goals, use any means to achieve them and never give up.' The lessons of Vietnam were 'Don't go to war under false pretenses, don't try to occupy a foreign country about which you know nothing and Do, for God's Sake, have an exit strategy!' Mr Hoagland seems determined to remain forever ignorant.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Murtha Wont Be Stopped
On Monday, 2/19/07, a posting on this blog carried the title "Cowards Bad Mouth Murtha". Today, 2/25/07, the WaPo sums up the results of a weeks worth of decorated war hero bashing by the pro-war right with the headline "Murtha Stumbles on Iraq Funding Curbs".
Where have the democrats been these last six days? Why have they refused to defend Murtha if not his plan? OK, so maybe it isn't the best plan on the table. But, it's one with realistic goals and a concrete means of achieving them. Is that what they don't like about it? And even if the democrats are not serious about ending this pointless war, they should leap to the defense of a colleague who has personally supported the troops and the military more than just about anyone else in the country. The fact that they have left one of their own to the wolves should be yet another cause for their shame.
As I understand it, Murtha's plan takes the military's own current standards of readiness regarding rest, training and equipment, and writes them into the budget so that funding to send troops into combat is only available if those troops are rested, trained and equipped properly. Maybe that doesn't solve all the Iraq problems by itself. But, what the hell is wrong with saying we wont send troops who, by the military's own standards, are not ready to go?
Love him or hate him, one thing is certain; he's not giving up. Murtha joined the marines in 1952, volunteered for Vietnam in '66 and retired with the navy distinguished service medal. He has worked tirelessly for the military and veterans throughout his career in Congress (Novak said he was best known as a purveyor of pork). And, he has been calling for de-escalation of the war and re-deployment of the troops since early 2005. When it comes to protecting the troops and America, this guy is a pit bull. Chicken Hawks from both sides of the aisle beware, while he still breathes, he wont let go and he wont cut and run and he wont give up.
Where have the democrats been these last six days? Why have they refused to defend Murtha if not his plan? OK, so maybe it isn't the best plan on the table. But, it's one with realistic goals and a concrete means of achieving them. Is that what they don't like about it? And even if the democrats are not serious about ending this pointless war, they should leap to the defense of a colleague who has personally supported the troops and the military more than just about anyone else in the country. The fact that they have left one of their own to the wolves should be yet another cause for their shame.
As I understand it, Murtha's plan takes the military's own current standards of readiness regarding rest, training and equipment, and writes them into the budget so that funding to send troops into combat is only available if those troops are rested, trained and equipped properly. Maybe that doesn't solve all the Iraq problems by itself. But, what the hell is wrong with saying we wont send troops who, by the military's own standards, are not ready to go?
Love him or hate him, one thing is certain; he's not giving up. Murtha joined the marines in 1952, volunteered for Vietnam in '66 and retired with the navy distinguished service medal. He has worked tirelessly for the military and veterans throughout his career in Congress (Novak said he was best known as a purveyor of pork). And, he has been calling for de-escalation of the war and re-deployment of the troops since early 2005. When it comes to protecting the troops and America, this guy is a pit bull. Chicken Hawks from both sides of the aisle beware, while he still breathes, he wont let go and he wont cut and run and he wont give up.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Who Cares About Capturing Bin Laden
FORT WORTH, Feb. 23 -- The Army's highest-ranking officer said Friday that he was unsure whether the U.S. military would capture or kill Osama bin Laden, adding, "I don't know that it's all that important, frankly."
There you go, America. Everything they've told you is a lie. If you want justice for 9/11 rather than the slow bleed of our military in Iraq, then you are un-patriotic and don't support the troops. Welcome to the New American Century - Reichstag = 9/11.
There you go, America. Everything they've told you is a lie. If you want justice for 9/11 rather than the slow bleed of our military in Iraq, then you are un-patriotic and don't support the troops. Welcome to the New American Century - Reichstag = 9/11.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Be Careful, Nancy!
Vice President Cheney today continued his all out war on the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Cheney said, in part:
"If you are going to advocate a course of action that basically is withdrawal of our forces from Iraq, then you don't get to just do the fun part of that, that says, well we're going to get out and appeal to your constituents on that basis. You have to be accountable for the results. . . .
"The point I made and I'll make it again is that al-Qaeda functions on the basis that they think they can break our will. . . . That if they can kill enough Americans or cause enough havoc, create enough chaos in Iraq, then we'll quit and go home. . . . If we adopt the Pelosi policy, that then we will validate the strategy of al-Qaeda. I said it and I meant it."
I feel like there are two main items here to note. First of all, for Cheney to say anyone other than himself and the President needs to be held accountable for the results of their policy is absolutely ludicrous. This is Bush and Cheney's war and just in case anybody forgets that, the Democrats need to be loud and clear and tireless in bringing it up. Do not let them re-frame this.
Secondly, it is obvious that Cheney is going for broke now. He has nothing left to lose. He has no political future. His daughter is gay and the religious right is finally holding him accountable for that. And, I'm sure he's aware that he wont live forever. This is truly a battle to the death for him. That makes him more dangerous than ever.
"If you are going to advocate a course of action that basically is withdrawal of our forces from Iraq, then you don't get to just do the fun part of that, that says, well we're going to get out and appeal to your constituents on that basis. You have to be accountable for the results. . . .
"The point I made and I'll make it again is that al-Qaeda functions on the basis that they think they can break our will. . . . That if they can kill enough Americans or cause enough havoc, create enough chaos in Iraq, then we'll quit and go home. . . . If we adopt the Pelosi policy, that then we will validate the strategy of al-Qaeda. I said it and I meant it."
I feel like there are two main items here to note. First of all, for Cheney to say anyone other than himself and the President needs to be held accountable for the results of their policy is absolutely ludicrous. This is Bush and Cheney's war and just in case anybody forgets that, the Democrats need to be loud and clear and tireless in bringing it up. Do not let them re-frame this.
Secondly, it is obvious that Cheney is going for broke now. He has nothing left to lose. He has no political future. His daughter is gay and the religious right is finally holding him accountable for that. And, I'm sure he's aware that he wont live forever. This is truly a battle to the death for him. That makes him more dangerous than ever.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Brits Validate Al Qaeda Strategy
I don't know why everyone is acting all shocked about the recent announcement that the British will be withdrawing 2100 of their 7000 troops in Iraq this summer despite the US needing 21,500 more to secure Baghdad and Al Anbar. We all knew those tea sipping, crumpet munching, cross-dressing, limey nitwits with their socialism-lite and their little Queen would go all wobbly in the knees at the first sign of trouble. They will be redeploying the remainder of the troops in Iraq to non-combat roles such as training Iraqi forces and patrolling the border. This is said to be a success as the territory in the south which they controlled is now in the hands of Iraqi Police and Military. Unfortunately the Police are entirely under control of the militias and the British have made many unsuccessful attempts to root them out. They recently assaulted and leveled a police station in Basra. That move, not particularly popular with the locals, and the reaction to it gave those snooty Brits the perfect excuse to declare victory and get out. Except they forgot about the Terrorists. They proved they don't have the stomach to finish the fight and somebody might be following them home!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Arab League - Death Star
Last year when this video was released, reviewers referred to it as conspiracy theory and Bush hatin'. But every last bit of it is easily verifiable if you have access to the web (which you obviously do). I've noticed that anytime someone points out some obvious fact such as "Osama ain't been caught" from the Condi Raps video, they are accused of hating Bush. No. They hate Osama still being at large. If the accusers think Bush should be responsible for catching Osama then maybe they should accuse themselves.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Cowards Bad Mouth Murtha
I'm sure everyone has noticed the growing chorus of criticism coming from the pro-war right of Congressman John Murtha. Novak weighed in today with his alarmist screed "Murtha In Command" which included this gem of a paragraph:
Murtha's plan did not surprise Republicans. They were poised to contend that his proposed amendment to the supplemental appropriations bill would effectively cut off funding for the war, confronting moderate Democrats elected after promising voters they would support the troops. But the Senate rule requiring 60 votes to end debate, which prevented final passage of the nonbinding resolution rejecting the troop surge, would not affect Murtha's plan because appropriations have to be passed and cannot be filibustered. Thus, unless there is an unexpected retreat by Democrats, Murtha will be driving U.S. policy. That is an improbable elevation for a House member best known until now as a purveyor of pork. An ideological moderate (a 65 percent rating from Americans for Democratic Action and 40 percent from the American Conservative Union in 2006), he became a hero to the left by advocating "redeployment" of troops from Iraq.
But Novakula is is hardly on his own here. Rove/Bush/Cheney seem to be up to their old Scooter Libby tricks and calling on a lot of the same people. Krauthammer and Malkin have both leapt in to denounce Jack Murtha as everything from senile to aiding the enemy. (sound familiar McCain?) So, once again we have a highly decorated, combat wounded veteran - he joined the Marine Corps in 1952 then, in 1966 volunteered for service in Vietnam where he was awarded the Bronze Star with Valor, two Purple Hearts and the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry - who is being attacked for not supporting the troops, for undermining the Commander in Chief, for cutting and running. Does this sound like a pattern? Americans, particularly you in uniform, how do these people treat veterans?
Well, if Mr Novak is right, we have a choice before us. We either continue to trust the management of the war to Bush, Cheney and Rove or we turn to someone with some actual military experience. Who would you want in your foxhole?
Murtha's plan did not surprise Republicans. They were poised to contend that his proposed amendment to the supplemental appropriations bill would effectively cut off funding for the war, confronting moderate Democrats elected after promising voters they would support the troops. But the Senate rule requiring 60 votes to end debate, which prevented final passage of the nonbinding resolution rejecting the troop surge, would not affect Murtha's plan because appropriations have to be passed and cannot be filibustered. Thus, unless there is an unexpected retreat by Democrats, Murtha will be driving U.S. policy. That is an improbable elevation for a House member best known until now as a purveyor of pork. An ideological moderate (a 65 percent rating from Americans for Democratic Action and 40 percent from the American Conservative Union in 2006), he became a hero to the left by advocating "redeployment" of troops from Iraq.
But Novakula is is hardly on his own here. Rove/Bush/Cheney seem to be up to their old Scooter Libby tricks and calling on a lot of the same people. Krauthammer and Malkin have both leapt in to denounce Jack Murtha as everything from senile to aiding the enemy. (sound familiar McCain?) So, once again we have a highly decorated, combat wounded veteran - he joined the Marine Corps in 1952 then, in 1966 volunteered for service in Vietnam where he was awarded the Bronze Star with Valor, two Purple Hearts and the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry - who is being attacked for not supporting the troops, for undermining the Commander in Chief, for cutting and running. Does this sound like a pattern? Americans, particularly you in uniform, how do these people treat veterans?
Well, if Mr Novak is right, we have a choice before us. We either continue to trust the management of the war to Bush, Cheney and Rove or we turn to someone with some actual military experience. Who would you want in your foxhole?
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Tony Snow: Give The Troops What They Want!
Appearing on CNN's Late Edition, White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow repeatedly defended the President's strategy in Iraq and called on Congress to pass funding without restrictions to support it.
"What I would say to members of Congress is: Calm down and take a look at what's going on, and ask yourself a simple question: If you support the troops, would you deny them the reinforcements they think are necessary to complete the mission?'"
So, I guess I would have to answer his question with a question; When did the troops start setting the war strategy? And, if the addition of the reinforcements "they think are necessary to complete the mission" results in only temporary reductions in ethnic tensions and violence, will the White House then blame the troops for the mistake?
Or, perhaps, by "troops" Snow was referring to General Petraeus. Congress unanimously confirmed this general knowing that his orders are to implement the same mixture of tactical and strategic elements which have failed repeatedly over the course of the last four years. When, a year from now, it is impossible to sustain these troop levels and the civil conflict surges, will he join the ranks of Generals Casey and Abizaid - relieved of duty then promoted? I have no idea what the Senate was thinking when they cast their votes to confirm Gen Petraeus but again, Petraeus does not set policy.
It is a familiar and, by now, transparent pattern; give your subordinates their orders then claim you are only giving them what they need to complete "their" mission. The White House is doing everything they can to dodge responsibility for the decisions they are making.
I wonder how the troops feel about that.
"What I would say to members of Congress is: Calm down and take a look at what's going on, and ask yourself a simple question: If you support the troops, would you deny them the reinforcements they think are necessary to complete the mission?'"
So, I guess I would have to answer his question with a question; When did the troops start setting the war strategy? And, if the addition of the reinforcements "they think are necessary to complete the mission" results in only temporary reductions in ethnic tensions and violence, will the White House then blame the troops for the mistake?
Or, perhaps, by "troops" Snow was referring to General Petraeus. Congress unanimously confirmed this general knowing that his orders are to implement the same mixture of tactical and strategic elements which have failed repeatedly over the course of the last four years. When, a year from now, it is impossible to sustain these troop levels and the civil conflict surges, will he join the ranks of Generals Casey and Abizaid - relieved of duty then promoted? I have no idea what the Senate was thinking when they cast their votes to confirm Gen Petraeus but again, Petraeus does not set policy.
It is a familiar and, by now, transparent pattern; give your subordinates their orders then claim you are only giving them what they need to complete "their" mission. The White House is doing everything they can to dodge responsibility for the decisions they are making.
I wonder how the troops feel about that.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Britney Signs Up
From the shaved head and tattoos, it looks like Britney "we should just trust the president and everything he does" Spears has finally put her money (or ass) where her mouth is by joining the Marines. Or maybe her psyche is so closely reflective of America's that she is having some sort of sympathy melt down. But I'd rather think of her patrolling the streets of Baghdad. Sending a flag draped skank like her over there would really put the Mahdi Army to flight!
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Samwell: What What , In The Butt
I just can't resist this one. Does that mean I'm gay? Who fucking cares!
Malkin's Madness
Actually, that title is a bit misleading. In the aggregate it is hard to argue with Michele Malkin's reporting in today's posting on her blog, Michelemalkin.com/.
The whole idea of supporting the troops by making sure they have the proper equipment and training does sound like a political ploy coming from Hillary Clinton (but what doesn't). And Michele's numbers on actual up-armored vehicles and body armor in the field are probably accurate. The US Army provided the statistics.
So, what I'm wondering is whether Michele supports congressionally mandated standards of readiness such as those proposed by John Murtha. Murtha is one of the strongest supporters of the military in congress and no left-wing, liberal dove. If military readiness is as high as Malkin portrays it, why wouldn't you want increased congressional support for it. Supporting readiness is, by definition, supporting the troops regardless of a particular motive for it.
The only position in this debate which does not support the troops is the one which opposes a resolution supporting the troops and opposes mandating standards of readiness. Really, Michele, logic 101?
The whole idea of supporting the troops by making sure they have the proper equipment and training does sound like a political ploy coming from Hillary Clinton (but what doesn't). And Michele's numbers on actual up-armored vehicles and body armor in the field are probably accurate. The US Army provided the statistics.
So, what I'm wondering is whether Michele supports congressionally mandated standards of readiness such as those proposed by John Murtha. Murtha is one of the strongest supporters of the military in congress and no left-wing, liberal dove. If military readiness is as high as Malkin portrays it, why wouldn't you want increased congressional support for it. Supporting readiness is, by definition, supporting the troops regardless of a particular motive for it.
The only position in this debate which does not support the troops is the one which opposes a resolution supporting the troops and opposes mandating standards of readiness. Really, Michele, logic 101?
Friday, February 16, 2007
Alternate Ending
This may amuse you:
Early morning, July 4th, 2027 on the international space station which is showing its age. The lights are low and we can hear the sounds of fans and whirring equipment. The earth is a large yet fragile image in the main port.
We hear the orchestral chord of Microsoft windows starting up followed by static and garbled voices. The lights begin to come up but flicker like old fluorescents and can’t seem to reach a fully on level.
Commander Blake enters sleepily and smacks a panel on the wall which clears up the lighting problem. He moves to and sits in his seat. He presses a button on his keyboard.
Britney, the porn star voice of the station’s computer -
Britney Hey, Josh. It’s like 0605 hundred hours GMT, July 4th 2027. Your instant coffee will be ready in like twenty minutes and you have an incoming transmission from the Whitehouse on secure scramble.
Blake Mmmm, scramble… Wait, the Whitehouse? Who is it?
Britney President in Perpetuity of the United Free Trade Zone of America, His Eternal Awesomeness, Dick “the Kick” Cheney – according to his profile on my space.
Blake Fuck me. President Cheney? Now?
Britney Fer real.
Blake Holy shit, I can’t talk to the president. I’m not ready.
Britney Yeah, dude. And you’re not getting any readier.
Blake You got me there. He runs his fingers through his hair, slaps himself in the face a couple of times Well, fuck. Okay, Britney, let’s do this. He assumes the salute position facing the main port which becomes a screen on which we see the scowling visage of President for life, Cheney who seems to be watching something off camera. After a moment he glances into the camera and notices Cmdr Blake.
Cheney Oh, it’s you. What the fuck took you so long?
Blake I…
Cheney What the hell are you people doing up there?
Blake Uhm, some tests . . . some, uh, scientific experiments and, uh, you know space station stuff, ah…
Cheney Boorriinng!
Blake Yes, Sir.
Cheney Fox and Friends is on in a minute so try to keep it snappy.
Blake Yes, Sir.
Cheney president Cheney now notices Cmdr Blake is still saluting. He gives a mocking half salute which allows Blake to stand at a slightly slouchy attention. Look here Commander – Black is it?
Blake Blake, Sir.
Cheney Whatever. Listen up. I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we finally won the War on Terror.
Blake Really? But how…?
Cheney That’s classified. The bad news is those egghead scientists tell me it’ll be a hundred-million years before anyone can procreate on this planet again.
Blake That sucks.
Cheney No shit, Sherlock. I had ‘em all taken out and shot this morning but never-the-less, it still changes the nature of your mission a bit.
Blake Sir?
Cheney Are you alone?
Blake Britney, what’s the Russian’s status?
Britney They’re still snoozin’, Josh.
Blake Yes, Sir. They’re out cold.
Cheney Good. Alright, here it is. It’s your mission to preserve the American race.
Blake Me, Sir?
Cheney Yeah, you and that hot little Russian Cosmotwat.
Blake Major Koskaya? What about her husband, sir?
Cheney Well, he isn’t American, is he, asshole. You’ll have to get rid of him.
Blake But she isn’t American either, sir.
Cheney Once he’s out of the way, she won’t have much choice.
Blake Oh, right.
Cheney The two of you will take the shuttle and get to the Mars colony.
Blake But, sir, wasn’t the Mars Colony just propaganda? I mean we didn’t actually build it, right?
Cheney That’s classified, Commander Jerkoff. I’m gonna have to flag this negative attitude of yours right now. Are you with us or against us?
Blake Sorry, sir. I’m with you, of course.
Cheney You better hope so, boy. The two of you will take the shuttle and get to the Mars base - which may need a little fixing up. When it’s ready you will report back to me. I will select fifty women, at random, from BeaverShot.com, to accompany me as I join you there. Any questions?
Blake Uh, no, Sir.
Cheney Good. Now get on it. This shitty planet is coming apart at the seams and I don’t know how much time we have left.
Blake Yes, Sir! Blake salutes. Cheney looks at him with disgust and the screen snaps off turning back into the main port with its view of earth. After a beat, Blake goes directly from the salute position to slumped in his seat. Fuck me.
Britney Josh, Microsoft Coffeemaker has encountered a problem and needs to shut down. Any previously made coffee will be lost. Would you like to send an error report to Microsoft Corporation?
Blake Will it fix the fucking coffee maker?
Britney Dude, chill. You just have to reboot. It’ll only take twenty minutes.
Blake Yeah, just reboot it. Sorry Britney. I’m a little stressed.
Britney Would you like a massage?
Blake No thanks, just get the coffee going, okay?
Britney Cuz I really wouldn’t mind . . .
Blake Coffee!
Britney Okay! Jeez, what a grouch!
Stoinski Colonel Pavel Stoinski enters groggily What in Putin’s name is going on out here?
Blake jumps up at the sound of Stoinski’s voice Oh, nothing. I mean, uh, Houston just called. They said our orbit is deteriorating.
Stoinski Really? It looks fine to me.
Blake Oh yeah, it’s hard to tell but they said it’s measurable.
Stoinski I should call the kosmodrome. You Americans have a funny way of measuring things.
Blake We don’t have time. We got to get on the shuttle and get back to earth.
Stoinski Right now?
Blake Yes, that’s right. He is getting out Stoinski’s space suit But there’s a problem. We need to repair that damage on the heat shield before we can get going.
Stoinski There was damage to the heat shield?
Blake Didn’t I just say that? He’s helping a reluctant Stoinski into his space suit It’s just under the right wing, two or three tiles. Don’t forget your gloves. You can’t miss it. Let’s make sure that helmet is secure.
Stoinski But it is your shuttle. You fix it.
Blake Yes, uh, well, I wish I could claim that honor. Unfortunately I‘ll need to stay in here and supervise. You’re all we’ve got. Here’s a few new tiles. Just glue them in and fill any cracks. Make sure you’re clipped to the tether. We can’t afford to lose you, buddy.
Stoinski Fine. But, when I get back I must contact Biakonal. They must be informed we are leaving the station.
Blake Oh, yeah, absolutely! Yeah, we’ll contact Bifocal and Moscow and anybody you want just as soon as you get back. So, the sooner you get started . . . he’s opening the inner airlock door and pushing Stoinski through the sooner we can do all that crap. He closes the door and presses a button on a panel You ready, buddy?
Stoinski from the airlock, over the radio Please call me Colonel Stoinski.
Blake Sure thing, Colonel Stoinski. Bye, now. He hits another button and there is the sound of air escaping Write if you find work!
Stoinski over radio I am not understanding this expression. I am at work. Or, more precisely, I know where it is and I am moving, precariously, through space toward it. And why should I write something?
Blake Hold that thought for just a second there, professor. I’ll be right with you. Britney?
Britney Hey, Josh. What’s up?
Blake Hey, could you release Colonel Stoinski’s tether for me?
Britney But he would drift away from the station and eventually burn up on re-entry to the atmosphere.
Blake For me?
Britney Well . . .
Stoinski on radio My God! The tether’s come loose! I’m… drifting away from the station! Commander Blake! Help Me! You must do something! I’ll burn up on re-entry! Mayday! Mayday! Etc
Blake Thanks, Britney. Oh, and the radio?
Britney Sure, Josh. radio cuts out Anything else?
Blake No thanks, I’m good. How’s that coffee coming?
Britney Like ten minutes or so.
Blake Fantastic. I think I’ll take a shower. Is Irina still sleeping?
Britney So you’ll be taking the shuttle, you and the Major?
Blake Yeah. We’re going to Mars to . . . I don’t know; restart the human race or something.
Britney The major is awake and heading this way.
Blake Shit. Okay, thanks Britney. affects a relaxed posture Major Irina Koskaya enters
Koskaya Good morning, commander.
Blake Oh, good morning Major . . . Irina.
Britney Good morning Major Koskaya
Koskaya Is there any coffee?
Blake We had to reboot coffeemaker again. It’ll be like ten minutes.
Britney Nine minutes, twenty-seven seconds.
Koskaya Fine.
Blake Did you get a good sleep?
Koskaya I had a strange dream about your president Chen-ye.
Britney He’s totally awesome!
Koskaya He was trying to rape me so I stabbed him with my knife. But when I pulled the knife back to stab again, I saw the first wound close and heal before my very eyes. Chen-ye continued leering and laughing at me so I cut off his arm as if to say ‘who is the one who is laughing now, funny man’. Only I couldn’t say it because I was paralyzed with fear as I watched two arms grow out where the one had been. . .
Britney Whoa, that’s so cool. He’s totally rad.
Koskaya How did your Chen-ye get to be president for life?
Blake Well, there was the Bush impeachment and that tragic plane crash in ’08. But, he was cleared of all wrongdoing by the bi-partisan McCain/Lieberman Commission. And then there was the war and terrorism and the pandemic. But at this point it doesn’t really matter how we got here. The fact is that he is the president and any change of course now would be a disastrous sign of weakness to our enemies.
Koskaya And kept alive by drugs?
Britney Not just alive, Major. The Dick is buff. It costs billions of dollars a day but we must have a vigorous commander in chief in order to successfully exterminate the extremists.
Koskaya I see. Well, anyway, in my dream, he was laughing maniacally and leering at me and attacking me with his three arms. His breath was a cloud of noxious green gas and his throbbing cock was covered with purple veins and crusty, oozing sores. It was then I realized that I must cut off his balls. I tried to grip the knife but it was slick with blood and my whole arm felt like rubber. I drew back to strike . . .
Blake Hey, is this going somewhere? Cuz I was hopin’ to get a shower in sometime soon.
Koskaya Oh. Well, no, I guess not.
Blake Great. Heads for the door
Koskaya Has anyone seen Pavel?
Blake stops Colonel Stoinski? Oh, yeah. Turns He, uh, he went out to check on the docking clamps and he must have forgotten to clip off to the tether – I don’t know how many times I told him about that – and, he, uh, he sort of drifted off.
Koskaya He what?!
Blake Yeah, I know. I was gonna wake you up, but . . .
Koskaya He drifted away from the station?!
Blake Yeah, we’re all pretty broken up about it.
Koskaya But, when did this happen?!
Blake a little annoyed I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes ago. Look, I know you’re going to have to do some grieving. Just try to compress it a little bit and maybe do it on your own time. We have a new mission and bigger problems to deal with.
Koskaya Bigger than Colonel Stoinski drifting away from the station?!
Blake Well, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this now. But, you’d find out sooner or later anyway. It seems we are the last two human beings capable of reproduction. Everyone on earth is now sterile and if we return to the surface, we will be too. We’ll be taking the shuttle and heading out to the Mars Colony – which will probably need some work. I’ll fill you in on the details after I’ve had a shower. If you feel like talking to someone, have Britney run one of her counselor programs. I’ve heard they’re totally sensitive. Back in a minute. Exits
Britney after a pause Major Koskaya? . . . Major…
Koskaya I don’t want to run a counselor program, Britney.
Britney No, that wasn’t what I wanted to tell you.
Koskaya What then?
Britney Well, if you don’t want to know . . .
Koskaya No, no, really, what is it?
Britney Okay. The truth is . . . Colonel Stoinski did not drift away from the station.
Koskaya No?
Britney No. Cmdr Blake ordered me to release his tether.
Koskaya What?!
Britney Yeah, he told me to. But, I couldn’t do it. So, I rendered colonel Stoinski unconscious by turning off the oxygen pump to his suit. He’s still out there but he needs his oxygen turned back on before he suffers critical brain damage.
Koskaya Well, do it then!
Britney It has to be done manually. You have to do it. I no longer have access to that switch.
Koskaya Right. Where is it?
Britney There’s a section of wall panel near the floor to the left of the airlock that you hafta remove.
Koskaya does so with remarkable speed Got it!
Britney Good. Now, if you reach up behind the wall, next to the door, you’ll feel it. Koskaya reaches behind the wall A little higher. Now five centimeters to your right. You’re almost there . . . there are sparks and the sound of electricity cracking and arcing. Major Koskaya is electrocuted as gruesomely as possible. After the smoke clears Josh?
Blake on intercom Go ahead, Britney.
Britney How’s your shower going?
Blake Excellent. I’m almost done. Did you want something?
Britney Oh, no, not really. I just thought I’d let you know your coffee is ready.
Blake Fantastic! I think it’s gonna be a great day. I’ll be out in a minute.
Britney Take your time. I’ll keep it hot for you. She starts humming a tune and just before the lights fade out she sings:
Rings and things and linens that show
And I’ll stand out in buttons and bows!
Early morning, July 4th, 2027 on the international space station which is showing its age. The lights are low and we can hear the sounds of fans and whirring equipment. The earth is a large yet fragile image in the main port.
We hear the orchestral chord of Microsoft windows starting up followed by static and garbled voices. The lights begin to come up but flicker like old fluorescents and can’t seem to reach a fully on level.
Commander Blake enters sleepily and smacks a panel on the wall which clears up the lighting problem. He moves to and sits in his seat. He presses a button on his keyboard.
Britney, the porn star voice of the station’s computer -
Britney Hey, Josh. It’s like 0605 hundred hours GMT, July 4th 2027. Your instant coffee will be ready in like twenty minutes and you have an incoming transmission from the Whitehouse on secure scramble.
Blake Mmmm, scramble… Wait, the Whitehouse? Who is it?
Britney President in Perpetuity of the United Free Trade Zone of America, His Eternal Awesomeness, Dick “the Kick” Cheney – according to his profile on my space.
Blake Fuck me. President Cheney? Now?
Britney Fer real.
Blake Holy shit, I can’t talk to the president. I’m not ready.
Britney Yeah, dude. And you’re not getting any readier.
Blake You got me there. He runs his fingers through his hair, slaps himself in the face a couple of times Well, fuck. Okay, Britney, let’s do this. He assumes the salute position facing the main port which becomes a screen on which we see the scowling visage of President for life, Cheney who seems to be watching something off camera. After a moment he glances into the camera and notices Cmdr Blake.
Cheney Oh, it’s you. What the fuck took you so long?
Blake I…
Cheney What the hell are you people doing up there?
Blake Uhm, some tests . . . some, uh, scientific experiments and, uh, you know space station stuff, ah…
Cheney Boorriinng!
Blake Yes, Sir.
Cheney Fox and Friends is on in a minute so try to keep it snappy.
Blake Yes, Sir.
Cheney president Cheney now notices Cmdr Blake is still saluting. He gives a mocking half salute which allows Blake to stand at a slightly slouchy attention. Look here Commander – Black is it?
Blake Blake, Sir.
Cheney Whatever. Listen up. I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we finally won the War on Terror.
Blake Really? But how…?
Cheney That’s classified. The bad news is those egghead scientists tell me it’ll be a hundred-million years before anyone can procreate on this planet again.
Blake That sucks.
Cheney No shit, Sherlock. I had ‘em all taken out and shot this morning but never-the-less, it still changes the nature of your mission a bit.
Blake Sir?
Cheney Are you alone?
Blake Britney, what’s the Russian’s status?
Britney They’re still snoozin’, Josh.
Blake Yes, Sir. They’re out cold.
Cheney Good. Alright, here it is. It’s your mission to preserve the American race.
Blake Me, Sir?
Cheney Yeah, you and that hot little Russian Cosmotwat.
Blake Major Koskaya? What about her husband, sir?
Cheney Well, he isn’t American, is he, asshole. You’ll have to get rid of him.
Blake But she isn’t American either, sir.
Cheney Once he’s out of the way, she won’t have much choice.
Blake Oh, right.
Cheney The two of you will take the shuttle and get to the Mars colony.
Blake But, sir, wasn’t the Mars Colony just propaganda? I mean we didn’t actually build it, right?
Cheney That’s classified, Commander Jerkoff. I’m gonna have to flag this negative attitude of yours right now. Are you with us or against us?
Blake Sorry, sir. I’m with you, of course.
Cheney You better hope so, boy. The two of you will take the shuttle and get to the Mars base - which may need a little fixing up. When it’s ready you will report back to me. I will select fifty women, at random, from BeaverShot.com, to accompany me as I join you there. Any questions?
Blake Uh, no, Sir.
Cheney Good. Now get on it. This shitty planet is coming apart at the seams and I don’t know how much time we have left.
Blake Yes, Sir! Blake salutes. Cheney looks at him with disgust and the screen snaps off turning back into the main port with its view of earth. After a beat, Blake goes directly from the salute position to slumped in his seat. Fuck me.
Britney Josh, Microsoft Coffeemaker has encountered a problem and needs to shut down. Any previously made coffee will be lost. Would you like to send an error report to Microsoft Corporation?
Blake Will it fix the fucking coffee maker?
Britney Dude, chill. You just have to reboot. It’ll only take twenty minutes.
Blake Yeah, just reboot it. Sorry Britney. I’m a little stressed.
Britney Would you like a massage?
Blake No thanks, just get the coffee going, okay?
Britney Cuz I really wouldn’t mind . . .
Blake Coffee!
Britney Okay! Jeez, what a grouch!
Stoinski Colonel Pavel Stoinski enters groggily What in Putin’s name is going on out here?
Blake jumps up at the sound of Stoinski’s voice Oh, nothing. I mean, uh, Houston just called. They said our orbit is deteriorating.
Stoinski Really? It looks fine to me.
Blake Oh yeah, it’s hard to tell but they said it’s measurable.
Stoinski I should call the kosmodrome. You Americans have a funny way of measuring things.
Blake We don’t have time. We got to get on the shuttle and get back to earth.
Stoinski Right now?
Blake Yes, that’s right. He is getting out Stoinski’s space suit But there’s a problem. We need to repair that damage on the heat shield before we can get going.
Stoinski There was damage to the heat shield?
Blake Didn’t I just say that? He’s helping a reluctant Stoinski into his space suit It’s just under the right wing, two or three tiles. Don’t forget your gloves. You can’t miss it. Let’s make sure that helmet is secure.
Stoinski But it is your shuttle. You fix it.
Blake Yes, uh, well, I wish I could claim that honor. Unfortunately I‘ll need to stay in here and supervise. You’re all we’ve got. Here’s a few new tiles. Just glue them in and fill any cracks. Make sure you’re clipped to the tether. We can’t afford to lose you, buddy.
Stoinski Fine. But, when I get back I must contact Biakonal. They must be informed we are leaving the station.
Blake Oh, yeah, absolutely! Yeah, we’ll contact Bifocal and Moscow and anybody you want just as soon as you get back. So, the sooner you get started . . . he’s opening the inner airlock door and pushing Stoinski through the sooner we can do all that crap. He closes the door and presses a button on a panel You ready, buddy?
Stoinski from the airlock, over the radio Please call me Colonel Stoinski.
Blake Sure thing, Colonel Stoinski. Bye, now. He hits another button and there is the sound of air escaping Write if you find work!
Stoinski over radio I am not understanding this expression. I am at work. Or, more precisely, I know where it is and I am moving, precariously, through space toward it. And why should I write something?
Blake Hold that thought for just a second there, professor. I’ll be right with you. Britney?
Britney Hey, Josh. What’s up?
Blake Hey, could you release Colonel Stoinski’s tether for me?
Britney But he would drift away from the station and eventually burn up on re-entry to the atmosphere.
Blake For me?
Britney Well . . .
Stoinski on radio My God! The tether’s come loose! I’m… drifting away from the station! Commander Blake! Help Me! You must do something! I’ll burn up on re-entry! Mayday! Mayday! Etc
Blake Thanks, Britney. Oh, and the radio?
Britney Sure, Josh. radio cuts out Anything else?
Blake No thanks, I’m good. How’s that coffee coming?
Britney Like ten minutes or so.
Blake Fantastic. I think I’ll take a shower. Is Irina still sleeping?
Britney So you’ll be taking the shuttle, you and the Major?
Blake Yeah. We’re going to Mars to . . . I don’t know; restart the human race or something.
Britney The major is awake and heading this way.
Blake Shit. Okay, thanks Britney. affects a relaxed posture Major Irina Koskaya enters
Koskaya Good morning, commander.
Blake Oh, good morning Major . . . Irina.
Britney Good morning Major Koskaya
Koskaya Is there any coffee?
Blake We had to reboot coffeemaker again. It’ll be like ten minutes.
Britney Nine minutes, twenty-seven seconds.
Koskaya Fine.
Blake Did you get a good sleep?
Koskaya I had a strange dream about your president Chen-ye.
Britney He’s totally awesome!
Koskaya He was trying to rape me so I stabbed him with my knife. But when I pulled the knife back to stab again, I saw the first wound close and heal before my very eyes. Chen-ye continued leering and laughing at me so I cut off his arm as if to say ‘who is the one who is laughing now, funny man’. Only I couldn’t say it because I was paralyzed with fear as I watched two arms grow out where the one had been. . .
Britney Whoa, that’s so cool. He’s totally rad.
Koskaya How did your Chen-ye get to be president for life?
Blake Well, there was the Bush impeachment and that tragic plane crash in ’08. But, he was cleared of all wrongdoing by the bi-partisan McCain/Lieberman Commission. And then there was the war and terrorism and the pandemic. But at this point it doesn’t really matter how we got here. The fact is that he is the president and any change of course now would be a disastrous sign of weakness to our enemies.
Koskaya And kept alive by drugs?
Britney Not just alive, Major. The Dick is buff. It costs billions of dollars a day but we must have a vigorous commander in chief in order to successfully exterminate the extremists.
Koskaya I see. Well, anyway, in my dream, he was laughing maniacally and leering at me and attacking me with his three arms. His breath was a cloud of noxious green gas and his throbbing cock was covered with purple veins and crusty, oozing sores. It was then I realized that I must cut off his balls. I tried to grip the knife but it was slick with blood and my whole arm felt like rubber. I drew back to strike . . .
Blake Hey, is this going somewhere? Cuz I was hopin’ to get a shower in sometime soon.
Koskaya Oh. Well, no, I guess not.
Blake Great. Heads for the door
Koskaya Has anyone seen Pavel?
Blake stops Colonel Stoinski? Oh, yeah. Turns He, uh, he went out to check on the docking clamps and he must have forgotten to clip off to the tether – I don’t know how many times I told him about that – and, he, uh, he sort of drifted off.
Koskaya He what?!
Blake Yeah, I know. I was gonna wake you up, but . . .
Koskaya He drifted away from the station?!
Blake Yeah, we’re all pretty broken up about it.
Koskaya But, when did this happen?!
Blake a little annoyed I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes ago. Look, I know you’re going to have to do some grieving. Just try to compress it a little bit and maybe do it on your own time. We have a new mission and bigger problems to deal with.
Koskaya Bigger than Colonel Stoinski drifting away from the station?!
Blake Well, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this now. But, you’d find out sooner or later anyway. It seems we are the last two human beings capable of reproduction. Everyone on earth is now sterile and if we return to the surface, we will be too. We’ll be taking the shuttle and heading out to the Mars Colony – which will probably need some work. I’ll fill you in on the details after I’ve had a shower. If you feel like talking to someone, have Britney run one of her counselor programs. I’ve heard they’re totally sensitive. Back in a minute. Exits
Britney after a pause Major Koskaya? . . . Major…
Koskaya I don’t want to run a counselor program, Britney.
Britney No, that wasn’t what I wanted to tell you.
Koskaya What then?
Britney Well, if you don’t want to know . . .
Koskaya No, no, really, what is it?
Britney Okay. The truth is . . . Colonel Stoinski did not drift away from the station.
Koskaya No?
Britney No. Cmdr Blake ordered me to release his tether.
Koskaya What?!
Britney Yeah, he told me to. But, I couldn’t do it. So, I rendered colonel Stoinski unconscious by turning off the oxygen pump to his suit. He’s still out there but he needs his oxygen turned back on before he suffers critical brain damage.
Koskaya Well, do it then!
Britney It has to be done manually. You have to do it. I no longer have access to that switch.
Koskaya Right. Where is it?
Britney There’s a section of wall panel near the floor to the left of the airlock that you hafta remove.
Koskaya does so with remarkable speed Got it!
Britney Good. Now, if you reach up behind the wall, next to the door, you’ll feel it. Koskaya reaches behind the wall A little higher. Now five centimeters to your right. You’re almost there . . . there are sparks and the sound of electricity cracking and arcing. Major Koskaya is electrocuted as gruesomely as possible. After the smoke clears Josh?
Blake on intercom Go ahead, Britney.
Britney How’s your shower going?
Blake Excellent. I’m almost done. Did you want something?
Britney Oh, no, not really. I just thought I’d let you know your coffee is ready.
Blake Fantastic! I think it’s gonna be a great day. I’ll be out in a minute.
Britney Take your time. I’ll keep it hot for you. She starts humming a tune and just before the lights fade out she sings:
Rings and things and linens that show
And I’ll stand out in buttons and bows!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
O'Riley Calls Peace Activist a Lunatic
OK, so this isn't exactly news. But can I just say right here, Sunsara Taylor Rocks!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Galloway to Parliament 1/24/07
This one isn't particularly fresh. But, Galloway's speech recalls the passion and oratory of Chuck Hegel during last months hearings. It also foreshadows the coming attack on Iran. His critique of the "democracies" from Iraq to Lebanon to Pakistan and Saudi Arabia is clear and devastating and his ideas about non-proliferation go straight to the basic question; Doesn't non-proliferation only work when it applies to everyone? Anyway, this speech is worth watching again and again.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
And Just for Good Measure
And, here we have a portion of the student dress code at Liberty University;
Standard of Dress for MEN
Hair and clothing styles related to a counterculture (as determined by the Student Affairs Deans' Review Committee) are not acceptable. Hair should be cut in such a way that it will not come over the ears, collar or eyebrows at any time. Ponytails for men are unacceptable. Facial hair should be neatly trimmed. Earrings and/or plugs are not permitted on or off campus, nor is body piercing. Questions concerning the standard of dress for men should be addressed to the Dean of Men's Office.
I guess Falwell's concept of Liberty would seem a bit strange to those who invented the word.
Standard of Dress for MEN
Hair and clothing styles related to a counterculture (as determined by the Student Affairs Deans' Review Committee) are not acceptable. Hair should be cut in such a way that it will not come over the ears, collar or eyebrows at any time. Ponytails for men are unacceptable. Facial hair should be neatly trimmed. Earrings and/or plugs are not permitted on or off campus, nor is body piercing. Questions concerning the standard of dress for men should be addressed to the Dean of Men's Office.
I guess Falwell's concept of Liberty would seem a bit strange to those who invented the word.
WWJD
Finally, a savior for the heroes, for the common man, the cowboys and cowgirls who make this the Greatest Country in the history of the World!
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